Kelleher International

Three Seconds to Make an Impression

Every now and then I get to spend some time with a great authority on human interaction and the "sociology" of dating.  This past week I had a chance to sit down with Darby Roach, author of a magnificent book titled “Your 3-second Window – Changing Everyday Moments into Extraordinary Opportunities for Success.”  

He boils down simple steps the average person can take to make a lasting first impression -- converting that first 30 seconds into... [Read More]

Preparing for a First Date

First Dates have a bad rap.  It's time to rebrand the First Date and set yourself up for greater success and enjoyment.

Starting Point: The world is full of interesting people, and the only way you can enjoy the full glory of that is to meet them.  Almost everyone on earth has at least a few hours of “interesting” in them. So the better prepared you are to find those nuggets of gold, the more you will enjoy those first dates and bring a fresh attitude and energy to them.  Also, how many times would you be willing to spend three hours with someone if there was a 5% chance you could win $1MM.  Now replace that pile of money with the phrase “a lifetime of love” and going on a handful of first dates seems like a very small investment.

Prepping for Success: now that we have adjusted our perspectives and are eagerly anticipating our next first date, it's time to do three simple things to make the most of the night:

• Date #1 is a Marketing Event – what's your Brand?  Picture our date on the phone tomorrow with her best girlfriend answering the question “so how was he?”  What do you want her answer to be?  Think about your best characteristics (what really makes you, YOU) and make sure they become part of the evening’s discussion.  If a characteristic is that you're “well-traveled”, tell her about a trip you took and what it meant to you.  If you want her to remember you as “intellectually curious”, tell her about a book you are reading and why you find it so fascinating.  Find ways to weave interesting stories into the conversation that are examples of the virtues you like most about yourself.
   
• Share the “why” along with the “what” – A common mistake of first dates is the resume dump -- getting every job, degree, and professional accomplishment out on the table, in hopes of impressing your date.  Bad idea! Women tend to care more about the "why" than the "what", as that's the path to understanding who you really are. "He went to Harvard Law" leads to "he must be smart", but doesn't create a connection.  However, personal details like "he's fascinated with how the law can be used to empower the less fortunate" gets you both "he's smart" AND "he's passionate about helping others."  The touchy-feely clearly makes you more interesting.  Follow “I moved to NYC after college” with “because I wanted to test myself in the most challenging city in the world."  Color “I never miss Opening Day” with “because baseball, especially the beginning of a new season, reminds me of going to games with my grandfather.”  As you begin to get to know your new match on a first date, also engage her on the "why" of her story.  Ask probing questions that delve deeper into her hopes, dreams, and motivations, and you will be rewarded with much greater insight of what makes her tick -- as well as a more exciting conversation!  You will make much stronger connections with your date as you share your “why’s” and also explore theirs.
  
  
• Date #1 is just that, a date – a date isn’t a thirty-foot jumper at the buzzer, it isn’t an interview, and if it doesn’t work out, there are few repercussions.  Enjoy.  A date is an exciting chance to meet someone new and thrill in the uniqueness of all people. Prepare yourself with the mindset of open opportunity and joy and you will create the greatest potential for making a connection.
  

Now you are ready for a first date and should be eagerly anticipating your next chance at meeting “The One”.

Ask the Matchmaker - Julia

We’re in the middle of both the NHL and NBA playoffs and I feel like I’m already a sports widow (and we’ve only been dating 3 months) – is this a bad sign?

It’s great when guys like sports.  It feels masculine, it builds healthy relationships with other men, it can be a cornerstone of a father/son bond, and more importantly, it can be the impetus for establishing regular “boys’ nights” and “girls’ nights”. 
No matter how wonderfully in love you become and how deep the passion will burn for decades, it will be important for you and your match to maintain some relationships that flourish outside of the two of you as a couple.  Nights out with your ladies will help you hold on to your current identity and pour energy into your relationship. His nights out with the fellas will reinforce his masculinity (also good for you) and stengthen his appreciation for your partnership.

Playoff season doesn’t mean just let him go off with his buddies to drink beers and watch the games -- this is also a chance for you to get to know him better.  I don’t advise that you create a new-found interest for the Philly Flyers (although Mike Richards is very cute), but you can begin to ask your partner more about what formed his love of the games – did he play as a kid, did his dad take him to the games, what role does he think organized sports play in the raising of children.        

So don’t despair, it will all be over in a couple of weeks, and it’s a great opportunity to grow your relationship.

First Visit to the Relatives

THREE QUICK TIPS

There are many great milestones in a blossoming romance, but few carry the twin Furies of anticipation and anxiety like the first visit to the relatives. Relax! At Kelleher International we have helped thousands of couples navigate the strange waters of meeting the family for the first time, it can be a wonderful experience that further reinforces the reasons that you are in love and adds momentum to your romance.

 

Before you head off, commit to these 3 Quick Tips to ensure a great first family experience.

 

Bring a Gift Whether you are going for 5 days, or 5 minutes, show up with a host/hostess gift in your arms.  Remember, this gift is not a reflection on you as much as a reflection on her.  Let her relatives know that she has selected the right type of guy.  Thoughtful is more important than expensive, and "shareable" gives your gift life beyond the introduction.

Be a Couple Make sure you find "alone time" for you and your partner during the visit.  You aren't visiting, the two of you are visiting, and you need to make sure you make time to connect with each other as much as with the relatives.

Send a Handwritten Thank You Note Simply put, it shows class.

Enjoy the visit!

Fall Into Love

Fall In Love. New relationships thrive as the air turns crisp and romance
burns with the fiery red of the turning leaves of Fall. Nothing is more exciting for us here at Kelleher International than to see our clients lose themselves in the new joy of unfolding love.

October has long been one of my favorite months for romance. I think of it as a time for reconnecting with the simple things a couple can share that create special lifetime memories. This month I would love to share with you some of my favorite early-Fall activities that will make fantastic dates – be it your first or five-hundredth!

Trip to the Pumpkin Patch Halloween is just plain fun, and nothing kicks it off like a trip to a real pumpkin patch. I like to go early in the morning and maybe catch some dew on my soon-to-be-jack-o-lantern. With a little seasonal coffee and a fluffy sweater to fight back the Fall breezes, navigate the rows hand-in-hand looking for just the right selection while sharing stories of your family's pumpkin carving traditions.

Local Leaf Watching The changing colors of Fall take my breath away. The oranges, the reds, the browns and yellows paint a stunning canvas that is the perfect back drop for a romantic walk among natural magnificence. Every town’s Visitor Bureau has a local guide that can both point you towards the most beautiful locations but also identify the specific leaves. You will find your conversations will wander towards joy, renewal and transformation, and you will cherish the day.

High School Football Game Return to the basic pleasures of young love! Remember how fun it was to snuggle under a blanket, sip that water-based hot chocolate and scream your head off when your team scored? Pick a Friday night home game and hit the bleachers for a uniquely fun, cozy, and energizing evening.

All of us at Kelleher International hope your Fall is full of romance, whether your love is just around the corner, blossoming or sweetly humming, and that you are creating memories for a lifetime.

Second Date Strategies

4 QUICK TIPS

Congratulations! You have made it through the agony and the ecstasy of a first date, and you see potential in this budding romance. Fabulous! At Kelleher International we’ve seen thousands of new couples (it adds up over 23 years) cruise straight on through the “who are you?” of a first date only to struggle with emotions and pressures of date number two.

Why so much drama? The built-in conversation of exchanging backgrounds is finished, the great time you had on the first date has set a high bar, and early thoughts of “I hope he’s nice” have been replaced with “I hope she likes me”. All these things set a great starting point for a wonderful second date. Here are a couple of pointers to get you started:

• Celebrate the First Date Start the date with a quick recap of your favorite parts of the first date. It will set a great tone, show appreciation for the last time you were together, and put you in the great state of mind you were in at the end of that special first date. Drop in phrases like “I laughed so hard when…” or “It was really sweet when you…” or “I couldn’t believe we both…” to celebrate that shared first date

• Share Your Anticipation for the Second Date Let the other person know you were really looking forward to the second date. We’re all a little nervous heading into date number two, and as you put the other person at ease by sharing your anticipation, you will also relax yourself. Don’t get caught up in the dating politics of holding back genuine joy – the path to love is full of shared happiness!

• It's GREAT to talk about "every day" stuff. Every conversation doesn't have to be about world politics or competing theories of cold fusion. The fabric of our lives is woven by our day-to-day activities. Talk about that annoying guy in Accounting or the French bistro around the corner, and then build on the story with a “when I was a kid we used to get croissants at…” or a "have you ever had a ‘guy in Accounting ’ that drove you nuts?” and begin to build bridges between the daily lives of you and your date.

• Plan to "Explore" and Lead the Expedition. A couple of good questions can spark endless vibrant conversation. Think ahead of time of three to five fun questions that will get your date thinking about great moments in the past; for example: “If you were forced to live in a foreign country, which would it be (and why)?”, "What's the best gift you've ever given?", "What's the first concert you ever saw?", "What is the best characteristic you've inherited from your mother?" These will be the conversations that slowly open your hearts to each other.

Welcome to Kelleher International

Whether you are a new client flying off to Paris for your first match or have been happily married for more than twenty years, Kelleher International wants to be your resource to make your journey of love wildly fulfilling, exciting, dynamic, and deeply passionate.

We'll talk about strategies for dating success, navigating relationship land mines, and the mindset it takes to find love and make it blossom.  We will put current events in the context of seeking love and even give you a little window into the match making business and how a centuries-old tradition continues to evolve in our modern world.  The "right one" is out there for you, so check back weekly for updates or follow us on Twitter to make the most of our partnership in your future.

Let us come with you on your journey!

Jill & Amber